I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Buhtt sex?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
