The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
