It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
