you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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