headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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