I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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