he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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