ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish I only lived at night.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
