you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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