Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
