roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
