He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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