remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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