I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
