I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
