My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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