Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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