Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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