I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just found a bag of teeth...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
