I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
