Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
