it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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