I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
