i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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