i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
