I cut my penus on the lid.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
