I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
