I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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