its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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