the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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