arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Randomize
