I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
