we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
