this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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