sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
