I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
