Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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