I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
