From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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