it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
