Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
