Four minutes until I can fart!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
