if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
