She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
