my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
