Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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