I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
