remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
