I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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