I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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