i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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