my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
