I feel great
I just peed on a car
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
pray to the hookup gods
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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