it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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