Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
