I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
