when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
