Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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